Experiences
by pretty in orange
Summary: The redheaded boy with the broken eyes is in my English class... ShikiXRima, AU, T for very serious themes.
1. Chapter 1

Author Note: I'm finally starting a new ShikiXRima project, I'm so happy! For all my fans of "Confrontations" who are returning to read this, this is a bit different. We're in an alternate universe, AKA; they're not vampires and are at a normal high school. And it's Rima's point of view, at least for now.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Vampire Knight or make any profit from this.

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The boy with the broken eyes was in my English class. He had hair the color of blood, and eyes the same shade as icicles. He always looked dulled, as if someone had worn away his personality.

"They're moving us again?" Ruka pouted. "I liked our old seating chart."

"If you would've stopped talking to me the first time Sensei asked, we probably wouldn't be moved." I leaned in and found my name, Rima Touya, on the seating chart.

I would have to sit... right next to the boy with the broken eyes, Shiki.

He was already there, of course. I shifted my books to my other arm and made my way over. Shiki Senri looked at me with an unrestrained, wild look that I hadn't seen in his eyes before.

Somehow, it set off my always-short temper. "Oh bite me..." I muttered and slammed my books on the desk.

He made a small noise in the back of his throat that I slowly recognized as a laugh. "Rima Touya, huh?" He asked and opened his battered copy of "_Watchers_".

"Look, I know I'm not genuine your-type material, but we'll have to deal with this for a while." I opened my copy of "_Beautiful Creatures"_; it was reading time after all.

Shiki looked at me for a long moment, but I immersed myself in my book.

Later, when we shuffled out of class, Rima sidled up to me. "He was making googly eyes at you." Rima leaned down a good two inches to be on par with my ear.

"Who?" I shoved my books in my oversized heart purse/tote bag.

"Shiki Senri." Ruka flashed her brand new boyfriend, Kain, a smile. He was across the hall. "See you later?"

I fumbled and nearly dropped my purse. "What? Ruka you get back here right now!" I attempted to chase her across the hall. "RUKA SOUEN IF YOU'RE LYING I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. Passerby stared, but I couldn't have cared any less.

"I'll see you later!" Ruka smirked at me and then pulled Kain outside.

I followed the crowd of people outside and headed for my car. As if I didn't have enough to deal with without Shiki Senri making googly eyes at me. Honestly, what did he see in me?

I slid myself into my Jeep and lay my head against the steering wheel. I clenched my hands and my keys bit into my right palm. It was too soon after _his_ death, I couldn't handle this. I couldn't like someone yet.

Hotaru had been my first love, and I had lost him to death. I couldn't act like the other students, kissing and loving and dating. It just hurt too much... I-

Someone tapping on my window interrupted my thoughts. I opened my eyes to see Shiki looking in at me, the tiniest bit of worry in his eyes.

"You ok?" He mouthed.

"Fine." I mouthed back. I put on my tough face and slid the key into the ignition, and then rolled down the window. "Do you need something, Shiki?"

"Are you ok?" He leaned in close and I tensed. "You seemed upset."

"Do you need something?" I repeated.

"Can I bum a ride?" Shiki leaned against the car door more, away from me. I felt myself relax a tiny bit. "My Mom's in the hospital and I need to get there to check on her."

I felt bad. I really did. I unlocked the passenger side door for him. "Get in before I change my mind."

"Thanks, Rima." He hopped in the car on his side and set his bag by his feet. "I didn't expect you to give me a ride."

"Don't _expect_ anything from me." I warned, checked my mirrors and then pulled out of the parking lot.

Shiki didn't say anything as we drove to the hospital. When we were getting close, I asked, "Can I ask what happened to your Mom?"

"She fell off her cookie." Shiki put his hand around the strap of his backpack. "It's not a big deal, it happens all the time."

"Shiki..." I mumbled. Was this why he was always so broken? His mother was unstable? "If you want to talk about it..." I trailed off, what could I say?

"I'm not one to come cry on your shoulder, Rima." Shiki opened the door as I put the car in park. "Thank you for the ride."

"You don't have to cry about it." I grabbed his arm. "_Just talk_. Find me if you want to _just talk_, alright?"

"Yeah." He said, but he didn't mean it.

"How are you going to get home?" I didn't let go of him, he was starting to tense up under my grip.

"I'll use a phone here to call a cab." He leaned back against the console, trying to get me to relax my grip on his arm no doubt. "I'll be ok, Rima. This happens all the time."

"Just don't do anything stupid... please..." I slowly let go of his arm. "I'll see you at school tomorrow, right?"

"Yes." He said, but he wouldn't look me in the eyes. He shut the car door and walked away, his bag in his hand.

He slipped through my fingers much the same way Hotaru had, but nothing ever ended there.

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Author Note: This story is so incredibly angst-y. I'm sorry if you were expecting fluff, I tried my hardest. I really had no clue where this was going until the end of this chapter. I love your reviews and PMs, and thank you for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Author Note: Here we are on chapter two. I'm really sorry about how sad this one is, but then again, some people love that.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Vampire Knight and make no profit from this.

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As I walked into school, I heard someone crying quietly in the janitor's closet. I whipped it open and found my other best friend besides Ruka, Takuma Ichijou, crying amongst the brooms and cleaning supplies.

"Takuma!" I hugged him tightly. "What's wrong?"

"Shiki... he tried to kill himself." Takuma wiped his eyes; he hated me seeing him like that. Usually Takuma had a cheerful façade up, but not today.

My stomach dropped through the floor with his words. "He's not..." I skipped the bad D word and asked, "Is he?"

"No." Takuma took a shaky breath and tried to smile. It was a heartbreaking motion. "He's in the same hospital as his Mom."

"What happened? What did he..." I swallowed hard, and then looked around. We were in a back hallway, where no one was likely to disturb us.

"He took pills. Sleeping pills." Takuma was desperately trying to put up his wall, but it wasn't working. "But apparently, he got halfway through the bottle and then freaked out and called 911. He had his stomach pumped, and they're holding him in the psych ward for observation."

I felt guilty. Overwhelmingly, completely guilty, all encompassing guilt that went from my toes to the ends of my hair. I had been with him yesterday, how had I not seen this coming?

Maybe I had. _Just don't do anything stupid... please..._ But could I have stopped it?

"Is he allowed visitors, Takuma?" I asked, just before I dissolved into a teary mess.

"Oh, Rima..." Takuma whispered, holding me against his chest. And then we were both crying, out of guilt, fear, and every other negative emotion coursing through both of us.

"I told him not to do anything stupid, and he wouldn't look at me..." I whispered into Takuma's shirt. He hadn't let go of me the whole time we cried. "I should've seen this coming!"

"He asked me what would happen if he disappeared." Takuma mumbled into my hair. I had forgotten momentarily that Takuma was the closest thing Shiki had to a friend. "I should've seen it too."

"We shouldn't be throwing a pity party. Is he allowed visitors?" I stood from our spot on the floor and brushed myself off. "Because if he is, I'm going to skip and go see him."

"You shouldn't skip." Takuma said in his _"I know you're not going to listen to me but I have to say it anyway" _voice.

"I've never skipped before, it's not like I'll get in huge trouble." I picked up my bag from where I had dropped it. "So he is allowed visitors?"

"Yes. I'm not covering for you though." Takuma paused. "Tell him I'll be there after school."

"Will do." And then I was out the door before anyone could do anything about it.

The drive to the hospital seemed overly long and tedious. I seemed to get every stoplight on the way there, and two different assholes cut me off.

"Where is Shiki Senri?" I finally asked the girl at the front desk.

Her eyes lit up. "Are you Rima Touya?" She asked. "He wanted you." She gave me the room number.

I made my way up to his room, but paused before the door. Could I do this? He didn't need me blubbering my eyes out like I had been with Takuma. Could I do this?

I pushed the door open; it was time to face my demons.

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Author Note: Yes, this story is insanely serious. I'm sorry, there's not really any other way to deal with attempted suicide. No, Rima was not crying because she's in love with Shiki. She felt incredibly guilty for not seeing it, as Takuma did. I love your reviews and PMs! Thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Author Note: I'm frying my brain and I still have fiction work to do. Darn.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Vampire Knight or make profit from this.

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At first glance, Shiki appeared to be asleep. When I shut the door partway, he opened his eyes.

My heart hurt seeing him like this. It was Hotaru all over again, especially the restraints on Shiki's wrists.

"I guess I fell off my cookie too." Shiki sighed. "Like mother like son."

"I want you to get better." I whispered. "But I told you not to do anything stupid, and you went and did this. I don't understand your logic."

"I didn't do it to spite you. I had been planning this for a long time... and..." Shiki looked away and tugged at the restraints. "Never mind. You don't want to hear it."

"Yes I do." My voice came out a little bit louder this time. "I want to hear you say you couldn't kill yourself, and that's why you called 911. I want to hear you say you'll never do this again, because Takuma will be sad if he loses you. I want to see you get better and live up to the great person you could be. I want to see you live, period."

"You don't understand what my family is like..." Shiki sighed and relaxed against the bed and the restraints. "My father killed himself when I was six. My mother has been in and out of here ever since I can remember. She..." He blushed and looked away.

"You can tell me..." I pulled a chair over to his side and sat down.

"My Mother..." Shiki trailed off, staring out the window. I didn't push, didn't prod, just waited. "When she gets... in one of her moods... she gets violent. Or she says things..."

"That's wrong, Shiki." I locked my hands in my lap to avoid touching him. "You've never told anyone, have you?"

"No... Not even Takuma." He sighed shakily. "You won't tell will you?"

"I'm not going to lie." I watched him struggle against the restraints. "Your mother is abusing you, Shiki. That's not right. Who are you even staying with if your Dad is dead and your Mom is in here?"

"I'm alone at the house." He quickly changed the subject. "They said I could go home soon."

Thoughts of Hotaru and how he had killed himself just days after being released from the hospital ran through my head on a reel. I couldn't afford to lose someone else like that.

"Stay with me." I blurted. "When you get out of here, stay with me. My parents won't care as long as you don't get into any trouble. I don't want you to be alone, please..."

"Rima, you barely know me." Shiki tipped his head back against the pillows. "You don't have to invite me into your home."

"I want to." I finally reached over the railing of the bed and held his hand. "Just say yes, I'll make sure we get everything you need from your house, I'll make sure your room is ready, I'll do everything, just say yes."

"You sure you want to do that?" Shiki ran his fingers along the back of my head, testing those little limits. "I am insane after all."

"I don't believe that for a second." I squeezed his hand a little, I wasn't afraid. "You've been abused, Shiki. You're a little damaged, but everyone has pieces of their heart that are chipped or cracked."

Shiki's beautiful blue eyes looked at me for several minutes, and then their lids dropped. "Thank you... if you leave your number at the front desk I'll call you when they release me."

"So you want me to leave?" I asked softly.

"No." Shiki turned his head side to side slowly, his eyes still closed. "Don't go yet."

I stayed until the nurses kicked me out, held Shiki's hand until I was forced out.

In a way, my need for Shiki to live was purely selfish. Sometimes I thought of him like my second chance, my second Hotaru.

Sometimes I wondered what he thought of me, if he could ever understand just how _my_ heart was chipped and cracked.

But somehow, I just knew that I could help him. So in the end, was my need for him really all that selfish?

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Author Note: I really should be working on my fiction project, but I wanted to get all my ideas for this down before I lost them. As usual, I love your reviews and PMs, and thank you for reading this!


	4. Chapter 4

Author Note: This should be the last chapter for tonight. Or... this morning. Late, early, whatever you want to call it.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight or make any profit from this.

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Two days later, I got a call on my cell phone from an unknown number. "Hello?" I asked, trying to get to my locker through the crowd that was streaming towards the doors. School had just gotten out.

"Hey." Shiki's voice. "I'm free to go, so you still gonna pick me up?"

"Yes!" I shoved my way through several annoyed students and started to load my stuff into my bag. "I'm sorry, it's loud in here, give me 20 minutes and I'll be right over."

"Ok. Bye." Click. I snapped my cell shut and threw it in my bag too. It was Friday; I would have the whole weekend to keep an eye on Shiki.

When I got out to my Jeep, Ruka and Takuma were waiting there for me.

"I can't give you two a ride today." I said and tossed my bag in the backseat.

"Shiki isn't your responsibility." Ruka began.

"And he's not another Hotaru." Takuma continued, his ever-present smile missing in action. "He's his own person, and you need to treat him like Shiki, not Hotaru."

"I know." I started to manually move them away from my car. "I'm picking him up from the hospital, please get out of my way."

"You can't undo the past with Hotaru by doing Shiki!" Ruka called even as I backed out of the parking spot.

I made it to the hospital in less than 20 minutes, and I parked and made my way inside.

Shiki was at the front desk, and as I walked in, he gave me a tiny, faint smile.

"Ready to go?" I asked. Without realizing it, I had gotten so close that my hand bumped his when I turned.

"Yes." He took my hand in his and squeezed gently. "We're going to my house first right?"

"To pick up your stuff. So yes." I led him out to my car and opened the door for him, then climbed in my side. "You'll have to give me directions, I don't know where it is."

Shiki seemed ok; he gave me turn-by-turn directions to his house. As he unbuckled, I asked, "Can I come in?"

"You'll have to be careful." Shiki sighed, and hopped out of the car. "There's some glass on the floor."

"What broke?" I followed him up the wide porch, and he pulled a key from the bottom of the mailbox and opened the door.

"A lot of picture frames." Shiki grabbed my hand again. "I tried to clean it up but I just kept getting cut, so I gave up."

The majority of the dark green carpet glittered, all from glass. Shiki led me around the worst of it, and into his room.

The room was just as messy as the living room was, just without the glass. There were three comforters thrown haphazardly around the bed, and two pillows on the floor. A photo album lay open on the floor, and Shiki snatched it up before I could get a good look at the photos inside.

20 minutes later, he was packed into two suitcases, and we got the hell out of there.

As I helped him get settled in the guest room of my house, we ran into each other. Literally, ran into each other and fell down.

I ended up on Shiki's lap, his arms were around me, and my legs were folded under me at an awkward angle.

"I'm sorry." I said quickly, and scrambled to get up. However, a sharp pain in my ankle made me wince and fall back onto Shiki's lap.

"You're hurt." Shiki pulled me tight against him, my back to his chest. "Just relax."

"B-but..." I stuttered. I never stutter. _I was scared_. I was scared of getting too close, and here I was sitting on Shiki Senri's lap. Cuddled up to him like we were lovers or something.

"No buts." Shiki squeezed me lightly. "Just rest it for a minute."

"Why are you so friendly with me?" I asked. "My first words to you were 'oh, bite me' and you're acting like I've been nice to you all along."

"You were nice to me when it counted." Shiki held me closer. "I bet you had better things to do than sit by a lunatic's bedside and hold his hand."

"You're not a lunatic!" I half screamed. "Stop saying that."

He let me go, and while I was half relieved, I was also half disappointed. "Try standing up now." He mumbled.

I clambered to my feet, but the pain in my ankle had gone as quickly as it came. "How do you know that would..." I trailed off.

"I've been hurt a lot, Rima." Shiki smoothed my hair, which I had left down once we got home. "But don't let that bother you. I'm only as damaged as you." With that, he lay back on his bed and closed his eyes.

I retreated out the door, not sure what to make of those last few words...

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Author Note: Ok, now I'm going to go work on my fiction project. Promise. On another note, this story is extremely emotionally taxing. I love it, but it's hard to write sometimes. But tell me what you think! Your opinions matter! Thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Author Note: Yes, this story is dark, but if you made it to this chapter, I think you know that by now. Thank you for making it this far. There will be more to come.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight or make any profit from this.

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Very, very early Saturday morning, I got up to check on Shiki. I peeked into his room, and at first glance, he appeared to be sleeping peacefully. At second glance, he had his hands white-knuckled on the sheets, and he looked tense.

"Shiki?" I asked softly and his eyes flew open. "Are you ok?"

"Bad dream. Sorry to have scared you." He sat up a little and looked at his clock. "It's 4AM; why are you up?"

"I wanted to check on you." I kept my voice low, while I had told my parents about Shiki staying with us, I hadn't told them about why, just that he needed a place to stay for a little while. While they had said they didn't mind, I still wouldn't tell them everything.

"I'm fine." There was a pause, but neither of us moved. "Do you want to sit with me?" Shiki sat up a little straighter.

"Only if you want me to." My gaze darted around the room; I didn't want to look him in the eyes. "I mean, if you want to go back to sleep, that's fine too."

"I-" Shiki began then stopped. He slowly picked up again, "I would like it if you sat with me..."

He was so broken; it was like Hotaru all over again. My chest hurt, and I was scared to death to get too close to him.

"Are you afraid of me?" Understanding flicked through Shiki's eyes. "It's ok to be afraid, but I won't hurt you."

"What did you mean by 'I'm only as damaged as you'?" I took a cautious step towards him. "What do you know about me?" I flinched, it came out all wrong and terribly mean.

But Shiki wasn't bothered by it. "Takuma told me about how you lost your boyfriend to suicide."

I made a mental note to kill or kiss Takuma, depending on how this turned out. "Hotaru Keen." I nodded. _His _name felt wrong on my lips. I took another guarded step towards Shiki and the bed.

"I'm sorry for your loss." He looked away. "And sorry I put you through something like that again."

"You didn't know." I shrugged. "It's been a while anyway."

"'It's been a while' doesn't mean anything." Shiki smiled sadly at my quizzical look. "My father killed himself, remember?"

I gave in and sat beside him on the bed. "Just because your Dad did something doesn't mean you should."

"Yeah." He met my eyes this time, and his eyes showed the soul of a person who was slowly being put back together.

"You're looking better." I reached up and slowly brushed his wild blood-red hair back from his face.

He reached up to grab my hand and stop me, and it was then I saw the bruises on his wrist.

"What are those from?" I asked, grabbing his hand and holding it close to my face. "Don't tell me you hurt yourself."

"No. I didn't." Shiki knitted his fingers through mine. "The first day I struggled against the restraints a lot. It bruised my wrists."

"I'm sorry." I said quickly. "I shouldn't have suspected... I'm sorry..." I tried to pull my hand away and leave, but he wouldn't let go of my hand.

"I'm not mad." He pulled me in close, holding me against his chest. "You had every right to suspect, so I'm not mad."

"I'm sorry." I mumbled again, but I kept my tears inside. If I cried in front of him, it would be bad for both of us. Instead of crying, I wrapped my arms around him.

"Stop apologizing." Shiki pulled away a little to look at me. His eyes looked different. "There's nothing to apologize for."

"You look really different, Shiki..." I murmured.

"Things are different now." His lips twitched into a near smile. "Because I know I have someone who cares for me... you."

"Don't forget Takuma." I added in a small voice. "He cares for you too."

"Not the way you do." Shiki hugged me close again, and then was silent. I figured out in about five minutes that he had fallen asleep.

How did I care for him? And how did he know something about me that I didn't?

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Author note: It's so angst-y! There was a little dark fluff there if you squint hard. As usual, I love your comments in reviews or PMs, and thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Author Note: I have panic writer's block on my fiction project. If anyone has a clue what I'm talking about and has any idea how to help, please tell me.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight or make any profit from this.

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At some point in the middle of the morning, I fell asleep curled up against Shiki, who hadn't woken up yet.

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"Rima... Rima?" Shiki's voice slowly woke me up. Sunlight streamed in through the curtains, and I was suddenly aware that he was still holding me.

"Morning, sorry, morning." I managed to squirm out of his grip. Then I noticed the look on his face. "Are you ok, Shiki?"

"Are you afraid of me?" His eyelids were half lowered, a sad look in his eyes.

"No." I held both his hands. "Just of getting close to anyone the way I did with Hotaru. It's just... difficult."

"I understand." Shiki's eyes darted away from mine, and then he asked, "You put walls up, didn't you?"

To which I said, incredibly intelligently, "Huh?"

"When Hotaru" He began and I flinched. "Died you put up walls to block out anyone who could hurt you."

"Yes... it seemed simpler that way..." I swallowed. "But you've torn down the walls I've tried to keep up so long." I swallowed hard again, trying to keep the sobs and tears at bay until I could escape.

"You can cry in front of me." Shiki let go of my left hand and took my chin in his hand. "I have to admit, I don't feel very human at all when everyone hides their emotions from me."

"I don't cry." It was a lie with some truth to it, I cried alright, I just never cried in front of anyone besides Takuma or Ruka. Not even my parents had seen me cry when Hotaru had died.

"Liar." Shiki's eyes locked on mine and held my gaze. "You don't need to be afraid that it's going to make me freak out or something, if that's what you're thinking. I'd really rather people get upset in front of me then hide it like they're afraid of me."

"It's not like I'm hiding it from _just_ you." I said, a bit defensively. "My parents never even saw me cry about Hotaru." I even flinched when _I _said _his _name.

"It's not healthy to keep things inside." He still had a firm grip on my chin, and he used this to his advantage, I couldn't look away.

"Like you should talk." I spat and then felt my eyes go wide. That had been a horrible thing to say, and I knew it.

"Good point." Shiki didn't seem upset about my angry comment, just thoughtful. "I really shouldn't talk about stuff like that when I tried to do what I tried to do." He pulled me close again. "But I want to help you, so I'm just doing the best I can, no matter the circumstances."

"I want to help you too..." I turned away slightly and cleared my throat. "I want to help you as much as I can... even though I'm scared of getting too close to you."

"If you want to help me, then be completely truthful to me." He whispered in my ear. "If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to scream at me or curse my name, then do it. I just want to be treated like a normal person, as much as possible."

I hugged him tightly and let my tears fall into his shirt. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"Don't be." Suddenly his hand was in my hair and his arms were around me. "Don't be. It makes me feel human... and normal."

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Author Note: I'm trying to add to all of my projects (Fireplace, Fixed, Of Sunburns and Pocky and this) today while I'm stuck on my fiction project. Also, please, if anyone understands panic writer's block and has a tip for me, please tell me. I love reviews and PMs, and thank you for reading.


	7. Chapter 7

Author Note: Wow, I feel like I haven't added to this in forever, I actually had to read my last chapter to figure out where I am. I hate doing that.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight and I make no profit from this.

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Twenty something minutes later, I padded out to the kitchen with Shiki at my heels. My parents were already gone for the day, and we had the house to ourselves.

"What can I do?" Shiki looked around the huge kitchen.

"Stay the hell out of my way." I grinned at him. I felt _good. _Good like I hadn't in what seemed like forever. "Seriously though, I can handle everything. Is there anything you don't eat or you're allergic to?"

"No." Shiki took a seat on the stool at the other side of the island counter. "You're sure you don't want any help?"

"I'm sure." I started getting things together, eggs, bread, butter, and bacon. "When people try to help me cook, I tend to set things on fire. Just trust me."

"Rima," Shiki began and I tossed a glance at him. "You're really happy... before this morning, when was the last time you even cried?"

I flinched. I could remember it well, Takuma holding me in the back hallway, both of us crying. I turned back to my work, the food, and sighed.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, but I'm curious." Shiki drummed his fingers on the countertop.

"When I found out that you had tried to kill yourself." I cracked the eggs into the bowl and scrambled them. "Takuma and I were both upset."

"You barely knew me then." Shiki wasn't upset, merely prodding. "Why would you cry over me?"

"Because I thought _I should've seen it coming. I gave him a ride to see his mother; I should've seen it." _I continued to prepare breakfast. _"_I felt guilty. But... things are just different now. It's not guilt anymore... it's worry."

"What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?" I was surprised that he was this talkative, I even wondered if me crying had broken a shell around his soul.

"Oh, I don't know... I've done a lot of stupid shit." I looked at him for a moment. "I guess it would be..." I stopped for a moment and laughed. "You're going to laugh at me." I warned.

"I won't." Shiki was completely solemn. "Promise."

"Fine." I turned back to the stove to scramble the eggs. "This one time, Ruka was having a really bad day, and my parents said I couldn't go see her. So I tried to sneak out by jumping from a second floor window to a tree... lets just say I missed..."

"I'm starting to see... my suicide attempt... like that." Shiki was staring at the back of my head, I could feel it. "Like a miss. Like something stupid I did."

"I would say that's a good thing." I glanced back at him, giving him a smile. "Because I want you to be around for a really long time."

Shiki blinked, looking like no one had ever said that to him before. We were silent until I slid his plate in front of him and turned back to put mine together.

"Rima?" Shiki said and I turned back to look at him again.

"Hm?" I turned back to my plate quickly, glancing at him every once in a while still. "What is it?"

"Thank you... for everything." I heard him pick up his fork. "I really appreciate you letting me live here and... Just everything."

"You're welcome." I told him, but inside all that I was thinking was _don't thank me, Shiki, you're helping me as much as I'm helping you._

And it was true.

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Author Note: I think I'm going to start the next chapter right now, but there will be a break in between posts, just because I hate posting a bunch of chapters at once. I love reviews and PMs about my story, and thank you for reading this so far, and I hope you continue to read!


	8. Chapter 8

Author Note: I'm getting tired, so please alert me to any typos I miss in the editing process. Enjoy.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight, and I make no profit from this.

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Two hours later, the good feeling hadn't worn off. Shiki and I had showered, separately of course, and I was combing out his hair.

"You have pretty hair." I said, working the comb through his blood red locks gently.

"Did you snort some kind of drug while I wasn't looking?" Shiki turned slightly and I nearly poked his eye out with the comb.

"No. I just feel good." I looked at him. Shiki looked incredibly different with hair soaking wet and combed out. He kind of reminded me of those smutty romance novels where the guy on the cover is soaking wet and shirtless.

Did I mention Shiki hadn't put on a shirt yet?

"You're a little scary when you feel good." Shiki shook his head, spraying me with water from his hair.

"Hey!" I giggled, wiping water from my face. "Bad boy."

"You know it." Even Shiki seemed better. He gave me the tiniest hint of a grin.

"You're so skinny." I put my hands around his sides. "What are you, a model?"

"Yes." He said and I dropped the comb. "On hiatus for my 'mental health' but usually I do model."

"I've got a model living in my house huh?" I picked the comb up and worked on the one tangle in his hair that I had been avoiding. "Something tells me I should've jumped your bones already."

"Some girls would've." He didn't sound egotistical about it, just like he was saying the truth of the matter. "Though I don't know if I would've went along with it."

"Are you a virgin?" I asked, picking at the tangle in his hair with the comb. It almost looked like a knot.

"Yes." He didn't hesitate, but his answer wasn't rushed either. "You?"

"Yeah." I finally untangled the knot. "Don't you think it's stupid that everyone seems to want to have sex to get it over with?" I realized what I thought was my fault, after all, Shiki was a boy, and he probably wouldn't share my opinions on sex.

"I agree with you, that is stupid." Shiki turned and gave me a smile.

"Are you even really a boy?" I asked, left eyebrow raised. "Because most boys I know, besides Takuma and Akatsuki, are super horny and would not agree with that terminology unless it was going to get them laid."

"I'm not like that." Shiki took the comb from me and moved behind me, combing out my hair. "I don't see girls as toys."

"You have no clue how perfect that makes you in my mind." I sighed, letting him play with my hair even though I had combed it out already.

"Thanks." Shiki was messing up the part in my hair, turning it into a zigzag part now. "I just see the way a lot of men use women... no one deserves that."

"You're an angel." I flinched as he pulled a bit of hair. "Ow."

"Sorry." He stroked my hair once, a silent second apology. "I really think you should get into modeling, Rima. You've got the face for it."

"That would be great, but my parents would have to approve..." I sighed and shook my head a bit. "And my Mom thinks that modeling is degrading to young women and twisting their body images."

"It all depends on who you're with." Shiki returned the part in my hair to normal and pulled me back against him. Then, out of the blue, "Are you scared of the future?"

"No." I reached back and looped my arms around his neck, not too tight.

"I'm afraid of the future." Shiki whispered into my hair.

"It's ok. I'm here." I moved one hand up to the back of his head and tipped his head down towards me. "I always will be." And I kissed him.

But that didn't change the fact that I was still scared of getting too close, even if I was kissing him, and I it was going to take a lot to change that.

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Author Note: We're nearing the end, I'm sorry to say. I'm trying to narrow down the list of things I have to do, because I have a handwritten fiction project that I'm doing CPR on constantly. Seriously, anyone got a fiction respirator? Anyway, I love your reviews and PMs, and thank you so much for sticking around to this chapter.


	9. Chapter 9

Author Note: Like I said, I'm trying to finish this up, but not rush the story along. It's late and I have ideas and crap to do today, but I figured I should do a few more fanfiction stuffs for you guys. Here we go...

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Vampire Knight and I make no profit from this.

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That night, my parents went to bed early, and I snuck back into Shiki's room. We didn't do anything except curl up together, hold onto each other, and sleep.

The rest of the weekend, and the school day of Monday, went by in a blur, and suddenly Shiki, Takuma, Ruka and Kain and I were gathered at my house after school. We used to hang out on weekends, but I had been absent from the group, and Shiki was new to it.

"So, Shiki, how are you feeling?" Takuma asked, ever present smile back. But even I could tell he was hurting from the whole Shiki suicide attempt thing.

I was just about to tell Takuma to shut it, but then Shiki replied, "Much better. Staying with Rima has really helped."

Ruka gave me the '_are you guys doing it?_' look, and I shook my head at her.

"We're all glad that you're feeling better, Shiki." Akatsuki said from the wall behind Ruka. "Ruka and I don't know you as well as Takuma and Rima do, but we're glad that you're feeling better nonetheless."

"Mhm." Ruka said, leaning back against Akatsuki. She hadn't made much input and seemed to be observing how Shiki and I acted near each other more than anything else.

Of course, she was probably getting all the wrong signals. Where I was protective of Shiki, she probably saw possessiveness. Where I stayed close to Shiki to make sure he was ok, she likely saw obsession.

Since Saturday, Shiki and I hadn't kissed, but it had become a rarity for us to leave each other's side. Whenever possible, I would sleep in his bed with him, and either my parents hadn't figured it out, they didn't care, or they understood.

"So are you two together?" Takuma finally asked, looking at Shiki and me. "I'm just asking what the people are all wondering." The blond smiled at us.

I didn't say anything; I just looked up at Shiki and waited for him to answer. We traded a look for just a second, and then his gaze returned to Takuma.

"Yes." Shiki squeezed me up against his side.

Ruka squealed in delight. Akatsuki smiled a bit. Takuma flashed Shiki and I a grin.

And Shiki and I? We just looked at each other and smiled.

* * *

"You're still scared of getting too close, aren't you?" Shiki said when everyone had gone and we were alone in his room. My parents had gone out on date night, Monday nights were their night, and we were alone.

"I'm sorry." I said automatically. "You're so much better and I'm just stuck."

"Why are you still so scared to get close to me?" Shiki wrapped his arms around me and held me close. "I'm never going to do something stupid like try to kill myself again. Why are you still scared?"

"It's just a reflexive wall, I guess." I shrugged a tiny bit, not enough to knock his arms off of me. "It's going to take a while to go away."

"Rima..." Shiki whispered and spun me around, and then we were kissing, and his lips on mine were like fire on ice, and I could feel the wall starting to crumble. It was like using a blowtorch on an igloo. This wasn't the same type of kiss as the first one had been, this was passionate, the kind of fire that could melt your very heart if you weren't careful.

The wall wasn't gone, not completely, but the cement that held it together so perfectly, had started to disappear. Brick by brick, it was starting to come apart, brick by brick, my fear was falling apart.

All of my experiences, everything I knew, were tearing that wall down with everything it had.

And I knew I would be ok soon, as long as I had Shiki... and I would always have Shiki.

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Author Note: I have an idea for an epilogue if you guys want it. On another note, the soundtrack to this chapter was "Ours" by Taylor Swift, which by the way, I do not own. I love reviews and PMs about my story, and if you want an epilogue, go ahead and ask for it. Thank you for reading!


	10. Epilogue

Author Note: This is the epilogue. After this, there will be no more updates on this. Honorable mention to PetiteShima, who wanted one last add on this.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Vampire Knight and I make no profit from this.

* * *

It had been a month since Shiki moved in with us. Shiki had managed to get emancipated from his mother, and he was living with me on a more permanent basis.

"You swear you don't find this weird?" I asked as we approached the graveyard.

"No. Not any weirder than we normally are." Shiki flashed me a grin and I laughed. "Rima it's fine."

"You're an awesome boyfriend, you know that?" As I parked the car, I kissed his cheek. "Going with me to my ex-boyfriend's grave."

"I figure that Hotaru would want to know that someone's keeping an eye on you." Shiki kissed my cheek back and hopped out of the car. "And my father would want to see you for sure."

"Who's going first?" I asked; referring to which grave we were headed to first. "Your Dad or Hotaru?"

"Hotaru can go first." We grabbed the flowers out of the back and headed into the cemetery. "When was the last time you even came here?" He asked as I wove in between headstones and stood in front of Hotaru's grave.

"The funeral. It hurt too much to come here after that." I stood there, staring at the headstone. Hotaru's name engraved on it didn't sting anymore.

Shiki wrapped his arms around me, set his chin on top of my head and asked, "Aren't you going to talk to him?" He asked.

"I don't know what to say." I laid the flowers right up against Hotaru's headstone.

"It's good for you to talk to him." Shiki said and rewrapped his arms around me; he had let go when I bent over.

"Hotaru... you don't need to worry about me anymore. I found someone who loves me just as much as you did." _Maybe even more, since he's living for me _I thought to myself, but didn't add that. "I'm ok now. So don't worry about me."

I was silent, and then I turned against Shiki, hugging him tightly.

"Are you sure you're ok?" Shiki asked, instinctively squeezing me.

"I'm better than ok." I whispered into his shirt. "I'm good."

We stayed there a few minutes, and then he turned and led me over to his father's grave. _Rido Kuran_, it was hard to read, moss and ivy had climbed over it.

"Father." Shiki addressed Rido, but he didn't seem sure about what to say either. "You can be sure I won't follow in your footsteps now. I've found something to live for... someone actually." He set the flowers down on the grave.

And then he pulled me in again, but we weren't kissing, we were just standing there, holding each other in the middle of the graveyard. But things were better now, where we had both been shattered, we had put each other back together. It wasn't as if we had never been hurt, but more as if we both knew that we had each other, and that was what we needed in the world...

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Author Note: End of epilogue! I don't know when I'll be doing another ShikiXRima; I have a Rukain I have to do and an idea for an AidouXYuuki, so Shiki and Rima may get a break. However, I will try to keep up my adds on "Of Sunburns And Pocky", because I know some of you enjoy that and it's pretty simple for me to shoot off a one-shot. That was bad terminology, sorry, I only got five hours of sleep. I love your reviews and PMs, and thank you so much for reading!


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